Capturing Happiness ;

So, lappy is back from the hospital! Apparently there was no need for her to go there. Someone simply disabled my mouse pad button and I didn't know how to turn it back on. Feel kinda bad wasting papa's time and effort. ):

It's the first weekend of 2013. And nope it is not the time to relax. It's the time to chiong all the homework and assignments that I didn't do this holiday. ): Damn sian. I haven't done anything yet and I'm not sure if I can get it done by Monday!! Probably not, but URGH. And that's not the worst thing yknow. The worst thing is, I cannot bring myself to start doing! It's like 3pm already and I'm still slacking away looking at initiation pictures. Omg feeling damn bad. Somemore one of my resolution is not to procrastinate sigh.

It has started already. This year. I've been running away from the fact that it's gonna be non-stop mugging this year by telling myself it will start after Initiation. But now, it's really here. Terrifying, to say the least. Not only terrifying for 'A's, but also terrifying in the sense that I don't know what is going to happen to me after I graduate from Rv. For six years, I've been complaining that I'm stuck here and I wanna get out. Now, when the time is near, I suddenly wanna stay in here forever. It has become a comfort zone already, I think. Here we are still considered students, kids. After this year, it's every man to fend for himself already. How scary is that.

But blahhh don't think about this first. Gotta finish my homework before I kena scolded and sent out of class! AHHHH.

Sending my Lappy for servicing and just wanna take this opportunity to type away because I took away the protective cover over the keyboard hahaha. I love hearing the sound of keys clicking away. I'm weird, yes. Hahaha. But seriously you don't get to hear this when you have the cover, okay not so crisp (?) I would say.

So..

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

It's 2013 now! I spent the last day of 2012 with kov, jj, munyuan and weiker. Then counted down and watched three different fireworks displays with munyuan and weiker. It was not extraordinarily fun,but just spending the day with these guys make me really happy and content. We have been friends for what, 10 years? The fact that we still meet up is a miracle. (: Was walking behind them and realise how much they have grown. Years back they wouldn't care what they wore to town, how pretty the girl who is approaching them is. Now, all that has changed. (': These four people weddings, I have to go. We started together, gotta see who is gonna walk to the end with them. We all went into 2013 as Singles, haha. I wish them happiness, even if it isn't got from girls. Love them. (:

Tomorrow, or rather later, will be the first day of school for me. Start of the torturous A level year. It's gonna be mugging and more mugging, I guess. Have to start early! Quite excited for it, in a way. (Imagine how life will be after it!!) But pretty much just scared. Gonna bring year5 juniors (wow i'm year6 already, cannot believe it) for their initiation tomorrow! Please let them be good sports! Haha. Excited to see everyone! The gang, Vietnam OCIP people, teachers, classmates! Gonna officially break in my new hairstyle too LOL. PLEASEEEE don't let people call me Dora anymore! -prays-

Seeing everyone else enjoying post-A life and the guys waiting for enlistment, it definitely affects me. But then again, I got to have a really exciting and interesting 18th year of life. So I'm not complaining. (: The world is becoming a scarier place, now that I actually take notice of what is going on. Saw this quote from Mark Twain: "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." which in my opinion, is a very real thing. But admist all these, I believe God still has everything under control. Maybe everything will turn better this year!

Here's to a wonderful year and all the best in 2013! ^^

Writing this now because I'll probably not have time to write it tomorrow, and I really want to do this before 2013 arrives.

This year, a lot of things happened. I tried many things for the very first time. I found out who are the friends I will invite to my wedding in the future. I had new revelations. I closed up a little. I experienced many bumps on my religious journey with God. I met different new people. I found new perspectives within me. Many, many things. Thank God there wasn't any really bad things that happened. Although my badluckgrace trend started this year, I am thankful I'm still alive and well enough to be reflecting on my life this past year.

Before I started writing, I tried to think of what happened this past year. Honestly, nothing came up. All I could think of was studying, and that is pretty scary. I can say I have never studied this much since PSLE. But then I looked through pictures and I realised I've had really happy moments. (: Let me list them.

In 2012 I:

1. Took up leadership roles - It was taxing and I couldn't get used to the high commitment level as club director. There was a period of time my phone was all about cca and projects, no leisure calls or texts!

2. Played host to the Malang friends - It was a wonderful 5 days, with a new group of friends and meeting the Malang people again. (:

3. Had a new fantastic class, 5T - Although we only became closer after PW, every one is nice and helpful and really cute. Can't wait to see them again next year!

4. Went to the Zoo, after years!

5. Had a CIP at Zouk, and hence had my first experience in clubs. (:

6. Watched M18 movies! - Not a really big deal, after you watch a few haha.

7. Joined AYLC and was a facilitator for the very first time - It's really very different, and enriching.

8. Went to the United Kingdom! - First time travelling out of Asia tbh. It was so wonderful I did not want to come back. Wanted to just stay there and complete my education there.

9. Went on my first OCIP trip! - Best trip ever. Although there was cockroach infestation, break-in and a case of chambermaids stealing our food in my hotel, it was awesome. Best company with the best memory forged with the kids over there. I led, I taught, I built. I laughed, I chased, I kissed. Words cannot be used to describe this extraordinary experience. ♥

And 10. Made many new cute interesting funny friends - Fell in love with most of them, still in love with a few. Learnt many things from different people. But bottom line, I'm really glad to have met them.

Comparing these to 2011, I can safely say, "I'm glad I retained." What's the point of completing my A levels now, if I'm missing out on so many wonderful things like these? These people, these memories, I will treasure forever. I don't know why, but I really want to attend the weddings of all my friends. Every single one of them. Because I want to see them happy, and see who is capable of bringing happiness to such amazing people.

And now as we step into 2013, and the hell year since I'm taking my 'A's, I hope things go uphill from here. I hope I can balance work with life. I hope I make impact on other people's lives. I hope I make people smile. I hope my 'A's get fantastic results. I hope I won't be too stressed. I hope I will stop screwing up.

Meeting the guys tomorrow for a buffet lunch (which is helluva expensive please!) and probably gonna countdown to the new year with them! Excited much. (: Last year I counted down with Gio, Cocu, Hafiz, Yavie, and Joycelyn. That was a blast. Let's hope this year countdown will be even better!

Today was a really memorable day - 4th August 2012.

It started out horrendous, but ended with a bang. (:

Agenda of the day: Attend ELL symposium at CJC. Attend Rotaract Raffles City Installation.

Woke up early in the morning to prepare for the day. Spent a lot of time deciding on things that I didn't get to use/apply in the end. Just when I was about to leave, the newspaper uncle came to collect money. (Suay #1) There was no money in the house, not enough anyway, and everyone else is sleeping so I didn't want to wake them up. So I gave the uncle all the money in my wallet. ): Fortunately, there was still today's allowance to tide me over for the day. (I had to pay for the entrance fee at the installation and there was lunch to be settled.) Left my house and following the internet's instructions, I boarded the bus. On the bus I realised I had forgotten to bring my hair clip, the eggtarts I prepared for Gail and paper to take notes. (Suay #2) But since I was gonna be late for the symposium if I turned back, I continued travelling. I reached ACS Barker at 9:15am when the symposium starts at 9:30am. Thinking that there is enough time, I started to follow my map and make my way to CJC. Then, I ended up terribly lost. (Suay #3) I was still lost at 9:40am, nowhere near CJC. Got so scared! But thank God I managed to find main road and hailed a taxi almost immediately. Problem is, the taxi driver doesn't know how to go CJC. (Suay #4) AHHHH. So with much panicking and fretting, we finally reached the school. I used the rest of my money to pay for the taxi fare. (Suay #5) Was super late and the usher let me enter the auditorium from an entrance super far from the location where we were seated at. It did not help that we were sitting right in front of the podium, where the speaker is. (Suay #6)

After the symposium, it started raining cats and dogs. (Suay #7) We managed to get out, after the ill-mannered hwachong people squeezed to exit the school before us even though we were exiting half-way. And I wanted to have lunch with Gail. This is when I remembered that I do not have any money on me. ARGH. In addition, the excos were not replying telling me their location and what time they are meeting so I have no idea if I had time for lunch. Decided to go eat due to the lack of response. JUST when I was about to order my food, Foonghui said she left her house on the way to mrt. (Suay #8) After lunch I chiong-ed to the mrt, only to enter a cabin with a seemingly mentally unsound guy waving his hands in the air playing an imaginary drum while hurting people. (Suay #9) Jiaqi and Shermain then replied saying they were already on their way to marina bay. (Suay #10) The excos ended up going together without me. After I reached Marina Bay, there was a fork where I had to decided to turn left or right. I turned left. It was the wrong exit. (Suay #11) After much fumbling, I finally managed to find the place, find my excos, find my way.

Installation was a new thing for me to attend. So I was quite passive the entire time. Oh did I mention I didn't get to change out of my uniform so I stuck out like a sore thumb because the dress code was black/gold and my blouse was white? (Suay #12) But after a while we started talking to each other and interacting with one another. We made friends with Rotarian Karen and some other big shots hehe. Then when the rotaract club went up to take pictures, Jiaqi Shermain and I followed Jacqueline, Yixin and Agus (new friends!!) up to the roof garden where we flew Yixin's really cute PUB kite. :D This was the first time in my life I saw the whole process of flying a kite and getting it so high into the sky. ^^ We talked a lot and found out Yixin was our senior! He was in the same class as Ms Lim Fen Niu hahaha it was quite extraordinary. (: And I showed Agus his doppelganger, Bertram! Hahaha. It was really funny. Found out Agus was an Chinese Indonesian who knows Malay too. Cool like mad! (:

After that Yixin had to go off to meet his friends at clementi. But as we were walking down, the rotaract club raffles city came down too. Haha. We ended up going up to the roof again (this time by lift) and take pictures. Jump shot, group shot, photobomb shot. Hahaha everyone was so friendly and so warm I felt like we known them for days already. (: We cracked jokes and made everyone laugh. Jiaqi Shermain and I showed them our wushu routine. Hahaha. Soon, Jiaqi had to leave for his grandma house, so we left for the bus stop. While walking, we heard a familiar deafening sound! Looking up, it was the helicopters holding the flag of Singapore and fighter jets zooming past! It was the first time in my life I saw them so up close. (: It was simply, amazing. :D We then proceeded to get one potong ice cream each and Shermain gave me a lift to JE mrt by cab. ^^

I was really happy at the end of the day. :D Met new friends, ate good food, had a blast taking pictures and laughing. So in a way you can say the installation brightened up my horribly suay-day. (:

I just hope those friendships we made today, it will still be there the next time we meet. Which really is God-knows-when.

Didn't get down to doing any homework or studying, which made me super guilty. Have to mug tomorrow after church before Dom and perhaps after Dom too!! One more month!!

The Olympics are here! :D

So exciting. Haha. I'm spending more time keeping up with Olympics than my studies though, and that's reallyyyy bad. Sigh. Got really depressing news these few days and for the first time this year, I'm absolutely terrified of the road that lies ahead of me. All those "What If"s are flooding back, and terror tightens its grasp around me.

Self-discipline. Time-management.
I think these two words are probably the only two words that links with the word "impossible" in my dictionary. It's really 有心无力 (you want to do it but your body doesn't allow you to do so). It's nice to just type away once in a while, not needing to mind my choice of lexical chain, the coherence in my paragraphs, the wider studies I need to apply to every bloody point I make. But, I guess that's life.

I've learnt to let it go.
I've realised that it's of no use if you keep thinking negative stuff and worrying about how you are. It is also no use if you tell other people how you are really feeling when they ask you "How are you?" or "How are your studies?"
I've realised you can't reply "I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of life. I'm tired of putting in so much effort and reaping nothing in return. I feel like quitting." Why? Because if you do, people will just try to cheer you up and you have to act like you are cheered up. Worse, some people don't even care. No, you have to reply "I'm fine, my studies are fine as well." which is utter bullshit sometimes, but hey, that's the way universe works.

So I still have this mountain of homework standing in the way of my revision for promos, which will start in, surprise surprise, four weeks time.

To Youtube to watch diving! :D
(I am so screwed.)