Capturing Happiness ;

FINALLY.

THE WEEK IS OVER.

OMG, PTL! :D

School is simply torturous.

Lessons are getting more unclear and I feel like dying.

I feel so damn stupid.

Never felt this stupid before in my life.

Cca has been getting pretty dreadful recently.

I mean like, COME ON.

You force us to attend cca when the coach doesnt even train us!

Year4s are like slacking the whole training away,

and do PT, which hurts like crap.

But it's fun in a way I guess,

I got to spend a lot of time with the badminton girls.

Never spent so much time with them since Year2 I guess.

Everyone's busy with training. Haha.

My exam is so near! Omg. I can die of panic.

Sharlene said examiners are tough this year. Ohgosh. ):

Gotta start playing like mad. Every free moment. Haha.

Not now though, later I kena thrown rotten eggs at. =X

Life's been the same, dreadful and tiring.

I didnt sleep early this whole week.

Every morning get a few hours of sleep & off to school.

Now, I'm used to it.

(That's a bad thing, YES.)

I really feel like crying. Crying out loud.

I can't take this sudden change.

It's too much for me, such a stupid girl.

I am struggling to get that GPA 3.0 already,

and suddenly all these changes apply,

disrupting my study plan.

I can see my GPA 3.0 flying away slowly.

It is so freaking stressful to be in this screwed system.

I admit, I even thought of suicide.

I'm trapped in between, having no way to go.

I know I will not have the ability to stay,

but my family is so against me leaving.

My parents, they want me to do well,

but the thing is, it's gonna be hard for me to stay.

Don't you get it, Mum?

Don't you understand how stupid your daughter is?

I have never been able to take stress well.

Even PSLE, I broke down from all the stress.

Now with so many things weighing on my shoulders,

and with time against me, I have to make a choice.

Every night, I go to sleep fearing.

Every day, I go to school being afraid.

Fearing about the future,

Afraid I can't have a good one.

I dunno where I am going anymore,

I feel so.. lost.

It's as though there's a big deep hole in front of me,

and I'm just walking into it blindly.

I can't walk back, not anymore.

There is no path behind me.

I feel so bitter, so bitter that I hate myself.

I have become so scared of closing my eyes.

I'm afraid when I open my eyes the next moment, I'll run out of time.

Not enough time to study, Not enough time to complete my work.

It happened too many times that now I can't even sleep in peace.

My bed has become a terror that I dun want to climb onto anymore.

It's like, I only feel safe when I'm awake.

When I'm awake, nothing can go wrong.

What is this?

Where has the old Grace went to?

The one that was so carefree, so stress-free?

That Grace is gone.

I may look strong and indifferent on the outside,

not caring if I flunked a test,

or when I dun understand some things that others do.

But inside, I'm constantly trembling with fear.

I always cook up excuses to delude myself with.

I dun wanna be left alone, because I dun want to enter my world,

I dun wanna think about my bleak future.

I can take this no longer,

not anymore.