Capturing Happiness ;

Last time, I used to think,

If I could join in some parts of the fun, I'll have the same amount of fun.

Today, I realised.

Watching the fun unfold in front of you, yet you can't be part of it,

Is much much worse than missing the entire event.

You may not have noticed,

But I saw you hugging one another,

exchanging laughter. Oh so Jolly.

When I saw that, I wished I didn't even turn up.

Maybe what they say is true,

Ignorance is Bliss.

I felt a great distance between us,

a distance so big, it would take
more than a bucketful of perfect English to close it.

You asked me what seemed to be the problem,

I yearned to spill it all out, but my tongue just would not move.

I could not tell you, no, not then.

Maybe you don't even understand,

Maybe you don't even read this anymore.

And that horrific thought pulled me to the next,

Maybe, just maybe,

I'll fade into a memory, just a memory.

Life is being so hard.

Reality, oh so cruel.

I just want to be enlightened,

of how Happiness feels like again.

I thought I could finally smile from the bottom of my heart tonight.

But no, I didn't find that smile. Not tonight, not there.

Everything, is not going the way it should be. Na-ah.

And on that bus, alone, I can't help but wonder,

Why is it that I'm so different?

Why is it that my life seem so hard?

Why can't I have what other normal teenagers have ; a life?

Guess I'll never find the answer.

Yes, I might have a bright future.

Yes, I might be "Wow, so smart!".

Yes, I might get a better job and a good pay.

But no, it is definitely not worth sacrificing my youth.

Not like that, at all.

It's time to put on the mask.
The same mask I have been putting on two years back.
The mask of strong front,
The mask of courage,
The mask of indifference,
The mask of everything I am not.

Goodbye, this life of mine.

Goodbye Forever.