Today was a really disappointing day for me. I encountered 3 things today which made me doubtful of what people claim to say. Is there, after all, not a single person who mean what they say on this Earth?

First thing I encountered: The dialogue session with the candidates running for Cabinet Council 2012. It was an utter disappointment. Not because nobody could answer the questions, it was because most of them didn't even want to try. You could see it in their faces. They struggle to find the perfect answer, and then they just give  up and keep quiet while sitting on those chairs reserved for people with the ability and courage to lead the school. All of them say "I will do my very best", but they don't even try to answer the questions we pose to them. All of them say, "I am running for this cabinet council to serve you, to serve Rv." When someone asked a simple question, "What plans do you have to serve us?" Nobody answered. In fact, I think nobody could. When someone asked, "If it was not for portfolio, would you still have ran for the cabinet council?" and asked for an honest opinion, only a few stood up, only to give yet another politically correct answer. Did they really mean it, when they say they want to serve us? Or was this sentence just used as a platform, to get what they really want? If you really wanted to serve, you would have done some things for us already, and not wait till you need our "support" then claim you want to. And to those in the general SC for the past few years, you have done nothing in your past 3 years, how can we trust you will do something for us in a year's time? I was really very let down by this batch of candidates. I don't even know who I can vote for now.

Second thing I encountered: The award ceremony at Church yesterday night. So 26 people won awards yesterday, and those who didn't win felt like they were not recognised. In my 9 years there, every time before an event they will pray, and go, "We are doing this all for God, for his glory, to glorify his name." The prizes and awards did not matter then. So why is it starting to matter now? The award, it's a plastic trophy. It's material, it's tangible. Why does it matter so much, I don't get it. The leaders are always saying as long as you find happiness in the Lord when you are doing it, nothing else matter. So why are they so upset about a prized possession, a tangible reward, a.. cup? Doesn't God promise all your rewards will be in heaven when you serve him faithfully? I'm guessing you want to bring this award up to heaven when you die to show God you did that amount of things for him? Disappointed max. If anything, you people ruined the image of Christians I had. You showed me that you are human, you are greedy too. You think you deserved the prize? Yes I don't doubt the amount of effort you put in for the church, but hey, what about those who won? They deserved it too don't they? And in the first place, why did the church have such awards? Who are we to judge how much a person has given  to this church, to God? Only God can do that. Only God knows what each and every one of has been through. So my question to you Christians out there is, when you say "I'm doing this for God", is it just a routine part of a prayer? Or did you really mean it?

Third thing I encountered: The pay review of the leaders in Singapore. I have read too many articles, to know if the leaders are doing this for the people or for the money. And so I shall not discuss this. I, however, really want to know. If the small amount of pay deters good people from coming to the political sector to serve, then wouldn't it be proven that our leaders are only serving because of the fat paycheck they get?

Too many things running through my mind.

I don't know how to tell if anyone means anything they say anymore.